Well what happened next was both emotionally and physically shocking.
I hadn't been to church regularly for several months. It was really stressing out Stacy. I would get up each Sunday and take a long walk while she would take the kids and go to church. Those days were days of clearing my head and being alone with God. I was listening and not talking much. But we can't live our lives in seclusion and God knew that even if I didn't yet.
I did attend church some and one Sunday somehow found out that the church needed a network connection setup for the pastor in his study so that he could get a computer and be on the network. I volunteered!
The night before I was supposed to go, for some reason I couldn't sleep and I got to bed around 3:00am. So the next day I was tired and a little punchy. I had to go to the church cut a hole in the wall for his network cable to go through and then go into the attic above his office and drill a hole so that the network cable could be fed down into the wall. Should have been no problem! I cut the hole and then went up into the attic where I found that there was no floor. Just joists that I had to walk on and a lot of insulation (which I has since realized I'm allergic to) so I made my way across the ceiling slowly and careful to keep my feet on the joists because I didn't want to put a hole in the ceiling. I had my drill in hand. I crouched down to drill the hole and lost my balance and stepped backwards through the ceiling into the pastor's study - onto his desk - in his office - through his floresent light that was attached to the ceiling. Insulation, wires, dust, and me came poring out of the ceiling thankfully into his empty study. It was a mess!!
Normally the first thought when something happens like that is "Am I OK!" but for me in that instance it was "Oh gosh what did I say as I fell through the ceiling - I hope that it wasn't too bad and that no one heard it!" Honestly that was my first thought!
Then I had to find someone and tell them what had happened. They were all so nice about it. I felt terrible and had to get out of there so I told them that I would take care of it somehow and I left!
It seemed that I had finally crossed over into a terrible place. A place where I was embarrassed and ashamed. I couldn't go back to church now. How could I face those people? I felt like I was in a bad place and didn't see anyway out. My wife and kids had already made friends at the church. I couldn't/wouldn't ask them to leave. I had a lot of things to work through but it was there that God met me and began to open my eyes!
Stay tuned! Help is on the way!