Sometimes the difference in faith and reality is difficult. Faith is seeing beyond the present reality and knowing that God is far above it and has control.
Right now I am in the early stages of stepping out on faith with a big move for me and my family. I think I know where God is taking us and I think I know why, but at the same time the present reality is that I'm fearful, anxious, and unsure.
I worry so much about the results of this change on my kids (especially), my wife and, I guess, on me. With all of the things that are happening now with my children, my wife and her ministry and they ministry that I have I wonder if God is really calling me to this because it seems so difficult to embrace the change and to ask my family to do so as well.
I don't feel comfortable with sharing what the change is yet (my closest friends and family already know), but just know that this change affects every aspect of our (me and my family's) life. I've been thinking about this for a long time and can see where God has led me to this. About two weeks ago I decided that the change was a challenge that I had to take on. So now I have purposefully waited for two weeks to let the newness of the thought of this change wear off and to also think it over more.
The tough thing about thinking is that I have thought up a bunch of stuff! Imagine that! But now I am thinking through it all and if God has called me to this (and I think He has) and even though I am hopeful about the outcome. It does come down to faith.
So now it is about prayer and fasting, and seeking God. It is about listening for Him to speak a little more. I am putting out a request for a sign or a reaffirmation that He is speaking. Hey they did it all of the time in the Old Testament. I'm not doubting God. I am doubting me. So I need to ask God to let me see past me and my fears and my inadequacies and hear his voice again.
God, clarify my calling and reassure my fears.