Friday, August 19, 2005

Taking Time

A Haiku

A cool, crisp mountain morning
The river is roaring nearby
A hot cup of coffee and a bowl of grits while sitting by the campfire
Fly rod and waders at the ready perched against a nearby tree
A day of fishing and contemplation ahead
I hear God

I wish I were there. A chance to breath and clear my head. We all need that - time to be silent and listen. For me it's on a river, especially in the Fall.

I'm really missing it today. It's Friday, I'm at work. I've had a few weeks at work that have been difficult. I work with a guy that is a Christian, but everything with him is so difficult. We just seem to be struggling to work together. I know God wants us to love each other. To care for others like we care for ourselves. I'm really having a difficult time with this.

The problem is centered around me though, my actions and feelings about myself. And it seems to be centered on a challenge to my abilities which in turn is affected by how I feel about myself. This all sounds like a lot of psychobabble, but I've finally learned that our relationships with others has so much to do with how we feel about ourselves. If deep down we are insecure about our abilities at work, for example, then any challenge that we feel to our abilities will normally elicit an emotional response. For me, I then turn around and strike back. Not at the person directly but in a way bolstering my ego. I attempt to get back on top of the pile by working harder. I try to use short term wins and ignore long term goals thus looking better to others (at least in my mind) and feeling better about myself.

In the middle of all of this I'm not trusting God for anything. What am I thinking? This is a new thought for me, and to be honest I don't know why it wasn't my first thought. God is a "God of Wonder". He did form everything, create man from the dust. He sent Jesus to live among us and then die for all the wrong that we have done or will every do. Blood was required as payment for our sins -death had to happen. God did that through Christ for me. God chose to die to provide defeat over death. He did all of this for us. So doesn't this same God have the ability and the desire to control my life? Doesn't He have goals and plans for each of us? He had a better plan for our death (that we would avoid separation from Him when we die). Why wouldn't he then care about our daily lives?

And yes, this affects my life at work. He does have a plan. He doesn't need me getting on top of the pile. Maybe I'm getting on top of the wrong pile, or even yet, maybe the pile is, as we all know down-deep, a myth - a temporary place in our minds that we create to see ourselves as the rulers of our destiny - which if true in reality is mediocre at best. I know God has more for me. He's promised it. I've seen it lived out by others. I've seen it myself at times when I really look.

Like my little haiku said at the beginning we need times to clear our head. Times to really look at what God has for us. Time to refocus so that we can live with the people around us. Time to breath!

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